Why am I attracted to unavailable guys?

Salam beautiful,

I have a confession. The men I used to be interested in before starting healing all have one thing in common:

They were not available somehow, whether physically or emotionally.

I couldn’t count on them to be comforting, to be there for me, to give me the sense of peace one craves when things get difficult.

In fact, they would often be the source of chaos in my life.

When I started studying psychology and the theory of attachment, I uncovered a truth that became fundamental to my healing:

I wasn’t randomly attracted to unavailable men, I was recreating my childhood’s environment.

My father was absent and dismissive. My brother was abusive. My experiences with the male figures in my life had resulted in constant rejection and pain.

As crazy as it might sound, being ignored and abused was my comfort zone. Men who seemed able to co-create a healthy relationship seemed boring to me.

And all of that was happening on a subconscious level until I read the book Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships.

My mind went:

From there, I deepened my studies on attachment style and worked on getting myself to a place where I would never play the game of chasing someone unavailable and trying to prove myself to them!

It was tough, I won’t lie. But it gave me an opportunity to create a secure relationship with:

  1. Allah
  2. Myself

Now I know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like and I kick anything that is familiar to my past out of my life.

So if anything I told you today resonated with you, I really recommend you check out two books about attachment style:

I have no doubt these will help you, I’ve been using the techniques mentioned in those books to help my clients and it’s been life changing for them!

I pray you have an amazing week my love, take care of yourself.

Soumaya

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